An Election Beary Tale

in the far off Kingdom of Ebay, there lived four little bears -- three of regal royal heritage, Princess Diana, Prince William, and Prince Harry

and the fourth, just a commoner of undocumented origin weasely wannabe, George II

Each of them was vying for votes among the merchant classes and the hard working peasants to see which of their families would be their representative in neighboring kingdoms, fostering good will, spirituality, well being, tourism and other commercial and social interests for the next four years --

each had their respective minstrels and jesters doing the rounds of the villages and towns, highlighting the goals of the candidate and singing the praises of their accomplishments, and, needless to say, stressing the shortcomings of the other candidates in the ever popular Punch and Judy puppet shows -- there were the usual gangster types taking bets and making odds on each of the four in their hidden back room gaming joints, and posting them with much ceremony on the central village announcement pole --

the notes and numbers on the poles varied throughout the 10 days, and it is said that some villagers placed several bets on different candidates, thus influencing the odds -- and at the same time trying to ensure some favoritism or nobility when the results finally came in, no matter who won --

each candidate got their chance, at the end of the 10-day eBay village festival, to see which of them was the most popular, favored candidate -- and the action was hot and heavy in the last minutes.

The following illustrated account of up to the final second voting provides the animated, not totally surprising results

with about 32 minutes to go, the Princess was doing quite well -- one notices that a member of the Royal family in London really wanted the Princess to win -- they had a centuries long bond of cooperation and friendship, so it was to be expected

the two Princes, being younger and with a longer potential lifetime of positive activity, were somewhat ahead of their Mum -- note that the weasel is far behind -- all those threats of doom and gloom of George's soothsayers didn't seem to sway the voters who were fed up with how George II managed things in the past, reminding them of his supposed father, George, The Sort-Of Brave

a surprise move by one of the most influencial of the merchant class came as he changed his vote, after taking into consideration the recent increase in his herbalist costs -- he would have to travel to distant monasteries where the Monks offered their potions for mere alms, but grain to fuel his horses had skyrocketed, so his radius of action was severely limited -- the master tradespeople sold fewer of their goods locally, leading to less education spending, thus a decrease in the number of apprentices to learn the trades, and all of the guilds were hurting -- even the masons couldn't get as stoned as they did only 10 years before!

Also of significance was the necessity to rent out large parts of the Kingdom's once fabled overflowing vaults to mushroom growers because the treasure chests were half empty due to the Crusades -- the older gold coinage was now reduced to gold-plated plumbago that George's wizard czar said would miraculously turn into gold once he, Merlinspan, got the incantation correct -- he was employing an outsourced associate, Giggle, the Jugglar, to translate the ancient transmutation manuscripts, and the resulting wording on the documents just never seemed quite right somehow -- the merchant just couldn't afford to spend as he would have in the past -- even the pickpurses were picking each other's purses!

with one minute to go in the first round of voting, the numbers hadn't changed very much -- London must have been getting edgy

before the minute was over, London finally came through!

the town criers screamed out the good news, and those in the pubs danced with glee! THEY DID IT!

at the same time, with only 12 seconds to go, London was frantically trying to get their vote in for the young prince, heir to the throne

THEY DID IT AGAIN! The crowds in the streets went wild!

with 1 minutes and 44 seconds in the next round of voting, the youngest prince was edging his way upward

as the clock ticked down to about a minute, Prince Harry continued his advance -- but where is London? They have to have an interest in completing their trio, but things don't look too encouraging right now

28 seconds remaining! Prince Harry's edge continued ever onward -- London was running out of passenger pigeons at this point, and the hush and expectation of the populous was deafening! The odds were off the wall already -- it was now 999:1 that London wouldn't be able to do it

OMG! Their last pigeon must have gotten through! London got the trio elected, churchbells rang, a new national holiday was proclaimed -- everybody knew that the pretender was so far behind that only a miracle could change things, but all the monks were willing to sell him were indulgences -- even the hucksters closed down their back room betting and gambling operations -- they made their usurious commission already, and now worried how they would pay those high odds winners -- they could always substitute the lead in the faux gold coins with plum wood -- which they did, and it was the origin of the phrase, not worth a plum crown

could things change at the last second, as they had in the previous voting sessions?

with only two minutes left, George II still had the same votes he had 9 days ago! Nobody seemed interested in him, but his jesters still kept at it, saying it was just a matter of time, and made up their own pole numbers, announcing him the winner by a landslide

the next two minutes actually saw real landslides due to hurricanes, but, in the end, HE LOST, even after using the most unreliable voting boxes they could find -- with a hidden trap door on the bottom!

And so it came to pass. The royal family won, each with a significant vote total. The Kingdom and its allies prospered and flourished over the next four years -- peace prevailed everywhere. Even the inhabitants of the few remaining minor rogue kingdoms saw the light at the end of their dark, dismal tunnel and actively continued their efforts to change the social and political structure of their own landscape in non-violent ways.

George II slithered away in anguish at his humiliating defeat, taking refuge with his Father, or who is alleged to be his dad (they never found the documents to prove it), in their heavily walled and defended surfdom. They say he even attempted to write a book about his life, but rumor has it that it was actually written by a certain Dan Rathead, who used to be popular years ago when he worked for the Credibility Becomes Shit printing press conglomerate -- he started a freelance news crier agency a short time ago, had few clients, and apparently jumped at this opportunity as a last resort.

And, as the sun sets over the Kingdom, everyone can now look forward to a better and brighter future -- all's well that ends well.

all Links open in new window for convenience

ADDENDUMB : four years ago, before the last presidential elections, the author had the same bears listed on eBay, and linked to each Bush Bear and Gore Bear item description he included an interview with the candidate bear -- here are the old links, which were online in November 2000 -- they are presented exactly as they appeared then -- only the page header and footer have been updated

Al Gore Bear interview

George Bush Bear interview

Mrs. Bush Bear, who wrote under an assumed author name

The 2004 presidential election is even more riveting and eventful than was that of 2000, which coincided with the dreadful, scarey Y2k bug -- this one is yet more terrifying for different reasons -- grin and bear it!

But, whatever else you do, GET OUT TO VOTE -- as many times as it will take to get the job done right! Our future depends on it!

Incidently, here are the most recent links to the eBay auctions to which this Beary Tale refers

Princess Diana Bear

Prince William Bear

Prince Harry Bear

George Bush Bear

Questions and comments may be emailed to the Webmaster at

Free counters provided by Andale.

	with about 32 minutes to go, the Princess was doing quite well -- one notices that a member of the Royal family in London really wanted the Princess to win -- they had a centuries long bond of cooperation and friendship, so it was to be expected
	the two Princes, being younger and with a longer potential lifetime of positive activity, were somewhat ahead of their Mum -- note that the weasel is far behind -- all those threats of doom and gloom of George's soothsayers didn't seem to sway the voters who were fed up with how George II managed things in the past, reminding them of his supposed father, George, The Sort-Of Brave
	a surprise move by one of the most influencial of the merchant class came as he changed his vote, after taking into consideration the recent increase in his herbalist costs -- he would have to travel to distant monasteries where the Monks offered their potions for mere alms, but grain to fuel his horses had skyrocketed, so his radius of action was severely limited -- the master tradespeople sold fewer of their goods locally, leading to less education spending, thus a decrease in the number of apprentices to learn the trades, and all of the guilds were hurting -- even the masons couldn't get as stoned as they did only 10 years before! Also of significance was the necessity to rent out large parts of the Kingdom's once fabled overflowing vaults to mushroom growers because the treasure chests were half empty due to the Crusades -- the older gold coinage was now reduced to gold-plated plumbago that George's wizard czar said would miraculously turn into gold once he, Merlinspan, got the incantation correct -- he was employing an outsourced associate, Giggle, the Jugglar, to translate the ancient transmutation manuscripts, and the resulting wording on the documents just never seemed quite right somehow -- the merchant just couldn't afford to spend as he would have in the past -- even the pickpurses were picking each other's purses!
	with one minute to go in the first round of voting, the numbers hadn't changed very much -- London must have been getting edgy
	before the minute was over, London finally came through! the town criers screamed out the good news, and those in the pubs danced with glee! THEY DID IT!
	at the same time, with only 12 seconds to go, London was frantically trying to get their vote in for the young prince, heir to the throne THEY DID IT AGAIN! The crowds in the streets went wild!
	with 1 minutes and 44 seconds in the next round of voting, the youngest prince was edging his way upward
	as the clock ticked down to about a minute, Prince Harry continued his advance -- but where is London? They have to have an interest in completing their trio, but things don't look too encouraging right now
	28 seconds remaining! Prince Harry's edge continued ever onward -- London was running out of passenger pigeons at this point, and the hush and expectation of the populous was deafening! The odds were off the wall already -- it was now 999:1 that London wouldn't be able to do it
	OMG! Their last pigeon must have gotten through! London got the trio elected, churchbells rang, a new national holiday was proclaimed -- everybody knew that the pretender was so far behind that only a miracle could change things, but all the monks were willing to sell him were indulgences -- even the hucksters closed down their back room betting and gambling operations -- they made their usurious commission already, and now worried how they would pay those high odds winners -- they could always substitute the lead in the faux gold coins with plum wood -- which they did, and it was the origin of the phrase, not worth a plum crown could things change at the last second, as they had in the previous voting sessions?
	with only two minutes left, George II still had the same votes he had 9 days ago! Nobody seemed interested in him, but his jesters still kept at it, saying it was just a matter of time, and made up their own pole numbers, announcing him the winner by a landslide
	the next two minutes actually saw real landslides due to hurricanes, but, in the end, HE LOST, even after using the most unreliable voting boxes they could find -- with a hidden trap door on the bottom!